[I suggest you read the first part of this post, to understand what I am talking about here. Otherwise you will have no context and think I am out of my mind to be thinking about aging when I am barely 28(yeah, I don’t feel old with that age!)]
Life has changed, our perspective towards it has changed, and the thoughts towards life have changed, I must say, drastically, much to even my surprise!
Marriage – When we met each other, we liked each other which gradually converted to love. But yes, we agreed to get married because we knew we would fall in love, it being an arranged marriage where our parents were considerate enough to give us our space to like the other person. But once we decided to get married, both of us saw no point in delaying it. It only seemed like the right thing to do!
Well, only after getting married did we both realize that we weren’t really ready for the responsibility marriage got us both into, but thankfully we both felt the same way about marriage and responsibility! I remember we used to have long discussions on how to avert the acts marriage was throwing at us, and how to still live a carefree life. There wasn’t a single weekend in the first year of our marriage where we both wouldn’t have thought on how life has changed, and how we did not want it to be changed, and how we would’ve been totally happy with each other had we just opted for a Live-In instead of a total marriage. After all, that would still mean that we are totally in love with each other and that we can still be with each other, and not having to do the certain things that married couples are supposed to do, per the society. And S would go on and on about how he still feels marriage wasn’t the right thing for him! And we were terribly worried about losing our individual space and freedom and that thinking that way also sounded like a mean thought!
It took us around 3 years to get okay with the whole thought of being married. We have come a long way from the the couple that sighed at completing one year together(the sigh was that of relief that we both were still alive after that one year, much to the amusement of our friends!) to the couple that was happy at having finished 3 years together and looked forward to more.
We both didn’t think we would make it this far, at least with the challenges we created for ourselves!
Along the line, I learnt how to handle the attention S got from women what with his status as an ex-model and all, and he learnt how to handle the attention I receive (however less it is! :-) ) without it affecting our relationship and understanding that we share. And we now laugh as we tell our parents when they remark on our looks, that we wouldn’t have been married this long had we married each other for our looks. We would’ve been divorced within the first year of marriage in that case!
Thankfully, in spite of all the immaturity we had 4 years back, we knew we were marrying each other for the right reasons and not looks at all! And that we weren’t compromising in any aspect to get married!
Kids - which was once a natural progression for us as a couple when we weren’t even one, is now something we don’t even want to consider. It looks like way too much responsibility to handle when we are ourselves not ready to take up the ones that we have already! Planning the whole life around someone who has not yet arrived still looks like a difficult thing to do, and we eventually realized we would probably never get ready for one. So instead of dreaming about pampering my own kids, I now pamper the ones my friends have and silently smile when they rant at how their life has changed in a good or a bad way because of the new arrival!
Our plans to buy a nice apartment have changed to a nice big independent house, with a lawn so that parents(the responsibility we once wanted to shy away from) and our dogs can all stay happily with each other, while we continue to bicker around.
Jobs – After having landed in the company which is almost every software engineer’s dream company, we don’t seem to be particularly elated about the thought of working forever, even if it is in this place. Yes, this obviously is one of the best places to work for, but we have had a few battles here too, though we both have together come a long way -
From the first week where S stormed into his boss’s office and announced he is quitting because he doesn’t like the place to the guy who now has actually an idea on where he wants to be in the next 2 years, and from someone who wanted to spit fire at everyone in her leadership chain for making her the scapegoat to someone who has now almost won them all back, and is now planning for her next two years, we have grown a lot as individuals in this place.
In our earlier companies, we were rock-stars. Yes, this place hires only rock-stars, but only after we came in that life taught us humility. We learnt that there are bigger rock-stars even in our chosen hobbies. People around here take photography or painting or pottery or for that matter, nuclear physics as a serious art form, and have passionate discussions, and I remember feeling diminished among such big-wigs of the industry. It took sometime and understanding to get to the thought that we are no lesser than them, but there is a lot more to learn too.
So now, instead of planning when to quit so that we can spend all the time doing something we like, life has a structure around it. We know what all we want to accomplish before we quit and where we should be when we do that!
Life in a relationship, which looked like a cake walk started falling into perspective. It indeed is a cakewalk, but the cake might get stashed a bit if you are not careful and there can be some cardboard stuff stuck to it which can be uncomfortable before you bite the cake, but if you know what the taste of the cake is like, you will be ready for all that and be careful to still like the cake without caring for its shape! :)
Now we really know what works for a couple to be a relationship! Not the mushy sweet stuff that you say to each other in front of people or the I-Love-Yous you give each other whenever there is a fight, but an honest attempt to make it work, and a matured conversation after every fight, just so that you don’t carry the frustration into the next day and the next fight. We now know that the reason why we stuck together was not only because we love each other, but because of our willingness to discuss issues related to life, career, family, responsibilities and each other in a honest way and work on the feedback too, with the eagerness to spend every minute with each other added to it! It is also understanding how to respect the other person’s space, yet feel close to them, respect what he/she likes or values yet not let go of what we believe in and the willingness to give a lot and receive too!
Couple of weeks back, S walks up to me and grumbles about the gray hair he has been discovering. What he had wished for couple of years back, is now turning into a bane. Back then he wanted some salt and pepper because he thought chicks dig old men! :-) And the man who said that he would age gracefully almost cried at his 30th birthday! I, on the other hand have been no better myself. I have been denying that I am growing old, and refusing the acknowledge the gray hair after the initial bouts of screaming.
I guess that’s the case with our families too. Our parents are not yet convinced that we are not actually as young as we are. Mom hasn’t accepted that I am actually 28 and now its perfectly acceptable for my maid’s daughter who is 14 yrs old to call me Aunty, and MIL defends me and my age in front of her friends if they make a comment about my age and that I should have kids soon! This surely is delightful, but it sometimes hurts to see that they are still in denial! :-)
Sometimes I feel like growing old immediately so that I can enjoy my old age with S calmly, but I also see reason in what S says – that he wants to enjoy every minute of his youth and grow old with me, not directly jump to the old age! I think I agree with him on this one!
Now the focus is not about the fact that we are getting old. Its about doing all the things we wanted to do, enjoy the youth fully and invite old age gracefully. The only doubtful word here is ‘grace’, and I promise myself that I will practice it! :-)

